[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] Update

However many months later, I still remain unpublished. After trying multiple stories at the “Big Three,” I only have a kind personal rejection from Analog and many, many, form rejections from everyone else, to show for the whole shebang. I still have one story out for consideration for an anthology, and an entry for the Writers of the Future Contest. My expectations aren’t very high.

Well, that, and I’ve been accepted to the Viable Paradise Workshop. I think I’m going, but I haven’t had confirmation they received my payment. I suppose I should check on that before I book flights and all.
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But! I’ve actually had a really good time writing. For the last nine days, I’ve added almost 20K words to a novel. I know that’s not necessarily impressive for most writers out there, but these nine days included about 48 hours spent on busses and airplanes, the obligatory jet lag and the ton of sleep it usually requires to fix, a full 40-hour non-writing-related work week, and catching up with friends after a month out of town. But the best part isn’t the word count. It’s that I’m actually feeling quite positive about what I’m writing. Hopefully, this little splurt of joy I figured I’d share won’t jinx me. =)

[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] Submitted

Yesterday, I mailed three stories to the Big Three.

And I expect that unless I find a way to cope with the anxiety, I’ll be mad before the end of the week.

For whatever reason, submitting to the WotF contest has never produced such a reaction. Possibly because by submitting to a contest for budding authors, I’m “probing.” There really isn’t much to it. By submitting to a pro magazine, I’m declaring to myself and to the world that I’m ready to embark down the obscure road to becoming a professional author. And now, I have a promise to hold myself to.

Goals are heavy burdens.

So, here are my first ever submissions:
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“Flipside of Reason” – Asimov’s Magazine, mailed March 24th, 2009
“To The View Through Human Eyes” – Analog, mailed March 24th, 2009
“Scales” – Fantasy and Science Fiction, mailed March 24th, 2009

I have also settled on a pen name. We’ll see if this one will stick.

In other news, I’ve started a new short story (too early to tell if it will be around for long enough to find its place in the “works” list), and I’ve worked a little more on “The Motion of Standing Still.” I’ve been mostly in edit mode for the submissions, but now that those are off, I need to get back into writing mode. We’ll see how much writing I can get done before I fly out to Asia for work next month.

[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] Lost Battles

News from the writing world:

Got news “Scales” didn’t make it past honorable mention in WotF — can’t say I’m heartbroken. Can even say I expected it.

Posted its first 13 on Hatrack — they went up in flames. Another thing I need to tweak before sending it out to magazines.

Netiquette is to never forward petitions viagra sans prescription via email. 5. You can buy herbal levitra samples pamelaannschoolofdance.com anti-aging pills for men from reliable online stores using credit or debit card. Oil is pumped through tadalafil lowest price rigid tubes. The main cheap viagra price reason behind these injuries is high volume of road traffic. Did some minor editing on “Prehistoric,” but I’ve lost the drive for it. May be a reflection of stuff going on in my life, may be just that the story’s dead. Or maybe I just need a few to recover from the beating I took earlier this week.

In other news, saw Watchmen for the second time tonight. Comic-booky movie, not so good, craft-wise… but really, REALLY great as a tribute to the comic. And the atmosphere was spot-on. And Rorschach was extremely well done (he was the character that made me fall in love with the comic, he’s the character who carried the movie for me, even if the brilliance of the comic/movie was in the story/message itself).

Well done!

[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] Midweek musings

Well, I had a really bad day at work. Almost screamed at a coworker, then had a momentary lapse of judgment and expressed my frustration in front of my boss. So, I’m not sure what kind of mess I’ve started. I’ll feel REALLY horrible if the whole thing gets back to that coworker of mine. I was in my right to be upset, I think, but the guy’s not having an easy time himself, so I should have just kept it between us two.

I’ll try to do damage control tomorrow (oh boy, oh boy, those are always fun) but I’m frankly getting a little tired of this nonsense. Ultimately, it really isn’t the guy’s fault — it’s the company culture that’s just spectacularly EFFed up. The lines that are drawn between responsibilities make no sense and cause such major cluster EFFs, it’s really a wonder the beast can even move.

But, anyway.

Power Khan with no doubt can recover weaken sexual ability withtremendous results if consumed correctly. purchased here cialis online supplementprofessors.com viagra generika Some of the more potent drugs however have even harsher side effects. Now they can easily order the desired medicines and services on the website. getting viagra is the trade name pill and has been approved by FDA. This can then pave the way for early medical intervention, if cheap cialis need be. On the writing side, I’ve discovered the Hatrack River Writers’ Workshop Forum. It looks like a decent place, and they do critiques on the first 13 lines of short stories or novel chapters. I never realized the importance of these first 13 lines (which, incidently, are a first page on a properly formatted manuscript). I guess we learn something new every day.

So, I got brave and posted the first 13 of Flipside. So far, I actually have very encouraging reviews! And I have offers from a couple of members to critique the whole thing. I’m not really sure I want to go for that. Not that I can’t use more feedback, I’m just not sure if I want to send the story out to effectively complete strangers.

On a less encouraging note, I read Chapter 4 of Prehistoric to the local writers’ group and got all thumbs down. Lack of voice, apparently. I know I didn’t give a very good intro to the whole thing, but I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the sole problem. I try to set up a generally dismissive, slightly detached voice using kind of a mock-formal vocabulary… apparently, the formal comes too strong, and the mock doesn’t. So, it’s probably back to the drawing board with this one. Or maybe I’ll just let it sit for a while, then try to maybe refine the voice. But I guess I’ll see when I cross that bridge.

[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] So….

All three of the stories I’m preparing to send out to magazines, “Flipside,” View,” and my latest WotF submission, have been revised to an “acceptable” level and sent off to my personal harshest critic (my brother =).

I also received critiques on “Flipside” from a couple of writing buddies, and both believe that the story needs to be “tightened” up. Unfortunately, that’s like saying “you should write better characters” or “your plots aren’t strong enough.” Er… I know they have a point (I wouldn’t be giving them to review any of my stories unless I trusted them, of course), but how do I go about tightening up a story, when in my head it sounds pretty damn tight? A friend recently suggested to “read it as if it was someone else you know who read it.” Another advice I understand to be valuable, but have no idea how to go about putting in practice.

So, I’m just pouring out my frustration here. I expect my brother will come back with “all three are complete garbage.” (I can fully trust him to not pull any punches) On the other hand, if I continue NOT sending stuff out because I believe it’s garbage, I may never send anything out. I figure, at least if I send something that I know isn’t perfect and get a rejection, I won’t hurt as bad as if I send something that I think is the greatest piece of writing on Earth and get the thumbs down on it.

If sperm become non-liquefied, long time to liquefaction, or with low activity, high rate of malformation, these viagra sample online symptoms will directly cause a reduced fertility, and even infertility. sildenafil bulk What is more, acidity in the bile ducts and the sphincter of Oddi. Not only Kamagra Oral jelly, these companies supply Indian viagra sildenafil 100mg that are available to the offshore customers also. With every Kamagra buy, levitra on line pharma-bi.com men get a pat on their back. I see a dear friend of mine going through it all the time. She believes she’s at a point in her writing where she can’t go wrong with anything she puts on paper. Well, it first makes critiquing her stuff VERY hard, especially since I believe she still has quite a bit of room to grow (when you get something with the disclaimer, “I know this is already absolutely super-awesome, but what do you think,” it’s very hard to point things out that aren’t spelling/word misuse/logic mistakes that can be reasoned about, at least without risking to insult her). But aside from this, when she gets rejection after rejection, she goes under in a bad way. And when she gets even the slightest nod of encouragement, she flaunts it as a great achievement, and I just don’t have the heart to try to bring her down to Earth.

So, I guess she’s my inspiration to try and put myself in the way of the steamrollers. I could continue writing (because I can’t, and don’t want, to ever stop =), keeping everything to myself until I produce “the masterpiece,” which I’m pretty sure will never happen. Or I can put myself out there, even with stories that aren’t the best they could be, were I a better writer, and set myself up with a gauge of sorts. I don’t expect any of these first three stories to be picked up by the magazines I’m submitting to first (especially since these are the TOP sci-fi/fantasy magazines out there today), but if I keep producing stories and keep submitting them, I figure one day I’ll get to the point where my stories may start getting accepted, and not as a fluke. And I’ll have a clear indication of when I “get there.”

So, that’s my rant for the day.

[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] Happy Bulgarian Liberation Day!

So, I was being good last night, and went to bed at around 11pm, right?

Well, so I’m lying in bed, and I start remembering this old story of mine. And I almost get a panic attack when I suddenly think I’m FORGETTING it. So, I get into this complete madwoman frenzy, jump out of bed, start throwing around old boxes, trying to find the story. So, I finally dig up the notebooks, and spend the next couple of hours reading through the story. Needless to say, I’m dead tired again this morning. I really need to find a good way to record and organize my Bulgarian and hand-written stuff… Either that, or take a five-year sabatical and transfer everything to readable stories in electronic English format.

Therefore, any psychological treatment to help with their problem. cialis cipla is a longer lasting product with effects lasting up to about 48 hours, compared to cialis which lasts up to about 4-5 hours. But the truth of the matter viagra 25 mg is that all drugs have to go through medical trials before they gain approval? Clinical trials are research studies that show the effectiveness of a particular drug on humans. This drug works by increasing the flow of blood to the viagra price canada male organ and leads to a firm and long lasting erections. It is important to give time to a couple to have satisfying love-making and enjoy the climax to its fullest. levitra samples http://www.offscriptband.com/the-band/ It’s kind of pathetic, but my stories are the only thing I’m internally truly “proud” of — and not because I think they’re the absolute bestest thing ever on Earth (realistically, they are mostly combinations of all sorts of horrid), but because, well, they may be my brain-children, but I’ve always felt they kind of take on lives of their own. And that’s a pretty amazing thing to see, and I feel an immense pride that I’ve become part of it.

And my one true nightmare is losing even little bits of this.

[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] Twiddle Thee Thumbs

Ok, so I really gotta get better at updating this.

I went to ConDWF two weekends ago, met up with a bunch of old friends and had a generally great time. So, not a droplet of writing (and very few droplets of sleep). Then I spent a few days recovering.

This past weekend, I caught up on errands and tried to get out of the apartment. And the rest of the time, I played The Witcher (one of these days, I will finish it, despite my struggle with a few of its unique, er, gaming elements). So, not much writing then either.
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On the bright side, I did edit away at Flipside of Reason and gave it a new ending. I’ve now forwarded it to a couple of writing buddies for feedback. If I don’t hear from either by this evening, it’s off tomorrow.

I’ve also made it through a scene in Pack that was giving me some trouble, and I’ve jumpstarted Prehistoric again. I’m getting a much clearer idea of what the “ancestors” are gonna be like, and I’m making things tougher for myself, because I’m really taking away all reasons for the protagonist to actually want to work with them. There can be something called too much conflict. But in the wise words of a smarter, younger me, “oh, well.” The situation probably calls for an outline, but seeing how effective the outline’s proven for the progress of Pack, I think I’ll hold off on it for some time.

[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] A not very productive weekend

Writing-wise, I didn’t get much done this weekend.

I recently had a grammar revelation (which I could have gotten out of a grammar book, had I bothered reading one). So, I’ve been going through older stories, correcting technical aspects of the language. Over the weekend, I ran the treatment on the first sixth of what I have so far for “Varish” (~6K words worth of editing). I then tried to revive the scene I’m stuck on — spent a few hours to end up with a mere couple of hundred words. Needless to say, it wasn’t a good weekend for writing.
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On the other hand, I sketched a little. Did a quick scene from “Varish” and a possible character design for “Pack.”

[From “Six Strides Counter-Spinwise”] First post

So, this is my official blog and short introductions are in order.

My name is I. R. White. I am a science fiction and fantasy writer. [note from July, 2015: since then, I’ve dropped the “I.” and written out the “R.” as “Rilan” — yey for pen names!]

I’ve been writing for a long time and have finished works in two different languages. On the other hand, I have yet to publish any of my stories. A fact that likely has something to do with never having tried to publish anything. But I’ve reached a point in my writing life where I would like to try to take my hobby and warp it into a career. And hopefully, this blog will follow my progress.

To account for any pro-hopeful activity thus far, here’s what I’ve done to date:

1. Submitted “Flipside of Reason” to L.Ron Hubbard’s Writers of the Future contest (WotF) — did not place.
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3. Submitted “To the View Through Human Eyes” to WotF contest — received honorable mention.
4. Resubmitted “Flipside of Reason” to WotF in correct manuscript format (I hadn’t researched the correct manuscript format for my first submission) — received honorable mention.
5. Submitted “Scales” to WotF — yet another honorable mention.

My short term intention is to finish the next short story for WotF. I’m also preparing “To The View Through Human Eyes” to submit to Analog and “Scales” will be submitted to Fantasy and Science Fiction Magazine. I also have plans to edit “Flipside of Reason” for language and grammar and I’ll consider sending it to Azimov’s.

On the novel frontier, I’m currently actively working on “Sake of the Pack.” I have just finished, for the first time in my life, a full outline. I’m not sure how writing with an outline in mind will fit around the writing habits I’ve settled into over the years. But after my experience with a nearly finished “All Things Made Of Shadows,” which was written without an outline, I think a good idea about the progress of the story is vital for putting together a readable novel.

[From “Crossing Roads”] Valentine’s Day, a year later.


And a little something else, scene from Varish Empire:

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[From “Crossing Roads”] Computer games stuff Part 3…

So, stories in roleplaying games. That’s why we play ’em, yes?

I’ve been following some discussions on random game company forums, and there have been some pretty interesting comments on content versus technical capabilities of modern cRPGs, especially as compared to the er, “classics.”

Which got me thinking on storytelling styles in cRPGs.

I think there can be three different approaches to storytelling, based on the style of the player character:

The first style, I’d say, would be what I call the “sit-on-their-shoulder” style. A good example would be the Witcher. While it’s an interesting story and I did enjoy playing through it, the player character has a set past and a set personality. As the player, you are in control of his growth as far as fighting skills and, to a limited extent, his social interactions, and you do affect some minor elements of the story. Choices result in different approaches to resolve the same problems, and you’re generally railroaded. But the story works because it’s well written. I’m sure that certain people may be turned off by the attitude of the main character. Much like if it were a novel. So, I’d say, it’s the closest I’ve seen to an interactive book.

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The third style would be where the background and personality of the player character is entirely left to the discretion of the player. Inexplicable market duds like Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines and Temple of Elemental Evil (ok, the second one’s failure is explicable, I suppose) came close to doing this well in light of their story. The two approached the choice of background differently, but the effect was similar – there was some sense achieved that the player appears in the story as “themselves.”

Now, I can’t really say I have a preference for one of these styles. I think each style has its strengths and weaknesses, and I think the choice of which to use when approaching a game design is entirely dependent on some combination of considerations which include type of story, resources, intended market, competition, etc. etc. For one, with the apparently growing expectations for game cinematics and capacity for environment interaction, style #1 and #2 maybe have a leg-up on #3. Especially #1 predisposes a player to be more forgiving when it comes to railroading, which allows for some major freedom for the developers to flex their graphics and cinematics muscles. Voicing over the player character becomes a viable option, further contributing to the “beauty” of the game. Of course, this also tip-toes away from the full gaming experience and towards the interactive storytelling experience (which is more like a bunch of mini-games strung together to fill the time between cutscenes). Which brings the quality of the story (and the storytelling, which requires a different skillset, I believe) right in the spotlight.

On the other hand, there is the question of when a gamer is looking to be less of a spectator and more of a participant, or even the determining factor in the storyline (let’s face it, we are all well-developed narcissists somewhere deep inside). And that’s where style #1 starts to suffer, style #2 starts facing trade-offs, and style #3 shines.

(I got more to say, but first… lunch!)

[From “Crossing Roads”] Computer games stuff Part 2… Mass Effect!! (SPOILERS DO FOLLOW!!)

I had truly looked forward to its release for PC, so I had to rein in my excitement (and expectations) slightly artificially prior to getting it. Still, while the thing installed, I bounced off walls in anticipation.

Luckily for me, despite my pc stats being somewhere between the minimum and recommended system requirements, the game installed without issues, and ran smoothly throughout (crashed only once due to a graphical exception, after it had ran for over twelve hours – yes, I did a marathon stretch with it at some point).

So, within the first ten minutes of the game: I quite liked the character creation interface. I got goose-bumps during the opening scenes. I loved the Normandy from the moment I saw her (despite the fact she suffers from the atmospheric bubble in space syndrome), and loved her crew from the get-go. And even though I was iffy about the conversation interface, my female Shepard miraculously did manage to come up with acceptable lines every time, and the voice acting and cinematic direction were impeccable.

That is, I was ready to be completely and entirely sold on the game within the first ten minutes.

And then we went on our first mission. And my enthusiasm got squished to a stain on the ground. Right where Corporal Jenkins got shot down.

There’s one thing I struggle to forgive, and that’s pointless drama. Especially when it’s thrown in a player’s face bare-bone and sudden. In a cutscene. Kind of like, well, here we are, trying to be gritty and super-realistic. Expect more of it. And expect it to be as entirely unfounded just as this bit of it was. Yes, my problem is partially that I hate losing even a single NPC. But more of it was the promise that later in the game, I’d be losing NPCs, and judging from the way this first event was handled, I shouldn’t expect a craftwork approach to it. Guess what. Bioware’s developers lived up to their promise. But more on that later.

Now a little on the bits and pieces I found bothered me fairly early in the game:

The conversation interface. I understand a lot of it was due to constraints grandfathered from the console version of the game, but I disliked the fact I couldn’t pick the actual phrase my character will speak. Saving grace – it wasn’t very often that I misinterpreted the topic heading or that I absolutely hated my character’s response. And with a kick-ass voice actor, it didn’t end as a deal breaker. But throughout the game, I did make it a habit, wherever possible, to save before conversations and replay them, if Shepard’s response turned out not what I expected. Oh, and sometimes the dialogue flow didn’t make much sense. Must have slipped past the QA guys?

Combat. Once again, I assume console leftovers. The effectively “pause” button bugged the hell out of me. But that was minor compared to party member control. I found giving NPCs orders to use skills in combat to be entirely useless (luckily, the NPC AI wasn’t completely atrocious). Even worse, I couldn’t tell my party members to stand back and keep safe. There are controls to supposedly order them to hold their ground (and rally, or move ahead), but I never got these to work. I did eventually get used to the fact that if my character has occupied the only cover, my party members will stand in the line of fire. And I guess I did get used to the fact my companions will fall during combat fairly often, and I had to just settle to getting them back up when I needed them.

The “take cover” feature was a neat idea, but whether because of my existing FPS habits or maybe I never really learned how to use it effectively, I had lots of issues getting stuck to a wall when I didn’t want to, which tended to wreck havoc on my camera, aim, etc.. Nothing like trying to get unstuck from a wall while there’s a bunch of baddies shooting you up, I tell ya. See, my FPS style of play is skirting walls, constantly. A slightly wrong camera angle combined with a step forward, and, whap, I drop behind the wall. You get the idea. Maybe there was a way to reconfigure the controls to look without turning, but I have to admit I never put effort into finding out. But the end effect was that I’ve had to replay a few fights because of it.

Difficulty setting… played at veteran level, never had any real issues. I actually kind of liked the recharging of skills and limited healing / # of grenades, used them very sparsely anyway, and truly needed them only in the last fight. I probably won’t replay the game at the higher difficulty level, now that it’s unlocked, just because I’d want to play a male Shepard if I did… and his voice acting bugs the hell out of me. Cash wasn’t enough for anything in the beginning, amassed in no time and never got spent (I think I bought maybe two things during the entire game). Equipment was readily available… I’d say almost too much so. Because I have the pack-rat mentality, it actually became annoying when I started running out of space and had to periodically go through my inventory and turn things into er… gel?

And since I’m on a roll with the things I didn’t like… here’s other observations through the rest of the game:

More on combat, specifically level design. A million companies producing combat equipment, yet only one exploration module manufacturer? What was with the uniform design of mines and planetary outposts? Sometimes to the point of the crates placement being coordinated between outposts on different planets? There are occasions where copy-and-paste works against its users. That’d be one of them. I believe that the uniformity of these levels took away from the dungeon crawl experience. The formula “empty-corridor-save-empty-room-check-for-containters-empty-corridor-room-full-of-baddies-behind-crates-step-in-step-out-to-separate-them” got kind of boring after the first couple of times.
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While I actually enjoyed the Mako super-non realistic off-roading trips, something that very much pissed me off… whoever designed the Therum level should go sit in a corner for a few days. What the hell? You can free-roam on most other planets, plan your attacks, use terrain to your advantage. Then you get dropped on Therum, and you can’t climb out of the canyon? When visually it’s no worse than any of the other worlds you’ve been through… AND when the level designer has lava at their disposal. If you MUST railroad me for whatever reasons, at least do it in a believable way (Virmire was done ok), not just by sticking an invisible vertical wall alongside the road. It’s inexcusably annoying when your vehicle is flipped on its back by (presumably) thin air.

Elevators. The only reason why I’ll whine about elevators is because I absolutely LOVED what was done with the elevators in the Citadel. The news flashes and the NPCs exchanging lines I thought were great. And then no effort was made to have the NPCs exchange a line or two at least occasionally in any of the other elevators. It just seems like such a waste of potential.

And since I’m now going into NPC interactions… To start with the good. I was actually pretty happy with most of the dialogue options I was given. But I chose to play a not very imaginative soldier girl with good logic on her side (and some charm to boot, sometimes literally), so I don’t know how good the choices would have been for a different type of character. Once again, my character ended up pretty dry (by choice), and the voice acting was just great for her.

I looked forward to any cutscene. I thought most were exceptionally well done (other than the pre-combat cutscenes; I don’t like my supposedly veteran casually walking in the middle of the road towards what is certainly a place filled with enemies). The visuals were great, even at the lower resolution my system was limited to.

I did go through the Kaidan romance, I still think it was too abrupt and random (not so much the culmination, but the start of it); I believe that if there must be romance (which is nice to have, I think), the developers should put a little more effort into spreading it throughout the interaction with the romantic interest (as opposed to the current trend of nothing-nothing-nothing, “oh, you reached a milestone, here’s a romantic node,” then again, nothing-nothing-nothing, and then another milestone, and so on…). On the positive side, I did like the NPC (as opposed to other instances when I’d wonder why the hell is the guy hitting on my character when she openly would rather chew through his throat than say a nice word to him?) and the interactions didn’t feel watered down. I wasn’t bothered by the sex scene, but once again, I thought that compared to the cinematic value of most of the other cut-scenes, it almost seemed as if the developers just wanted to get it over with. Oh, and when the guy’s spilling his guts to your character, it’d nice to use a camera angle that shows his face.

Friendships with other NPCs… Funny how I always seem to develop a really good rapport with the brawler characters. I liked Wrex. I also mentioned I really liked the Normandy crew, with Joker heading the list.

Confrontation with other NPCs… I liked that I had the option to execute a few of the baddies I had to deal with. It’s not the first game that gives these options, but, once again, the cut-scenes were so well done that the instances stood out in my mind, in a good way.

Missions: the recap of completed missions was nicely done; the quality of the missions themselves varied. The planetary exploration and side missions got a little repetitive (see my level design pet-peeve on these).

And now… the story. I enjoyed the world. I loved the amount of effort spent on technological details and aliens (the codex was a great read). The premise was interesting. For all my nitpicks about the game, the fact that humans were a proud newcomer into the intergalactic community really made me happy as a clam. I liked how my character was placed against the backdrop of the world, and I thought the information reveal was nicely handled.

…. Except that… DRAMA. Damned misplaced drama. Yes, I’m talking about being forced to sacrifice Ashley or Kaidan. Logically it didn’t make sense (the Normandy had actually landed to deliver the nuke, right? Why did she take off for the supposedly two minutes that were needed to arm the bomb?). What was wrong with her taking off with the nuke team before heading to pick up the diversion team?

I like tough choices. There were several tough choices throughout the rest of the game that were really good (the Council at the end was an excellent example). And I don’t mind the tough choice of having to sacrifice a friend… if it’s done well. If it fits within the logic of the story. It’d have pissed me off anyway, but it’d be the good type of pissed off. The non immersion-killer type of pissed off. As a matter of fact, I believed I had made the choice when I left Ashley with the diversion team. And I would have been absolutely happily pissed off if that had been it. But no, let’s inject some more drama, just because the first time it wasn’t bare in your face enough that the diversion guys were off to a suicide mission. Right.

The end was good. I’m irked about some of the writing on it, and I would have really enjoyed something like a recap. But it left me with the sense of a good game played. And I guess at the end of the day, that’s all I could want.